Continued digging a long dark tunnel to freedom with a dull bent spoon . Dig on. Dig in. Keep digging. Fall down. Get up. Pushed down. Get up. Never give up. Nothing. Absolutely nothing is worth your life except one thing. We will get into that later on in the journey. You matter. Your feelings matter. You are not alone. There is help. Tons of it. Part of my battle now is personally I really do not want any help. Would rather a satellite fall out of the sky and take me out on a nice bike ride along the canal. Or sitting in an outhouse. No matter. Expressive words. Learning how good all that English lit pays off. Hopefully.
Salutations to all. Hope all had a safe and joyful Independence Day. Sadly though we know or at least I know that is not the case by a long shot. Did anyone notice any of the ones who were struggling with the unseen? Find any people dragging a Titanic sized steel ball chained to their leg that is invisible to all or most all in their lives?
Over the past 36 hours I have been training the best I am able. For The Quest. I gorilla camped 2 nights, one on each side of Cape Cod Canal, whilst exploring more and more of both sides and areas. Surprisingly my pedals took me to Onset beach. That is the beach I would always stop at first at the butt crack of dawn for the Dunkin Donuts java kick and my angels could get their beloved feet wet at the beach. And then the picture with Aquien.
Slayed a dragon. It has changed enough that it can fit into a new beginning and I once again seen the beauty in it and not the pain. That is the problem often. For me and many many others. The best we can do is change routines as able and grit through it. We have to quit holding on to everything. Material and Emotional.
I was blessed in meeting so many people I am unable to remember all of the names. This is because of where I am at in a severe cycle of depression. Cannot think straight let alone accomplish anything with any success and reasonable time. That feed my frustrations and stress. On and on it goes. But the people. Since the 4th I have spoken with teens and elderly and all in between who have struggled with some form of trauma and or mental health issues as well as the alarming one. Suicide. Just on the 4th I spoke with 4 people who had recently lost someone to the darkness. And last night I sat on a bench with a woman, May, who lost someone very close to her to suicide. What she shared is the same symptoms many carry out of their own understanding and experiences. The guilt. The endless what ifs. The dread that often we see too late what was obvious to at least someone or a few people. ON AND ON I COULD GO.
Sparing you all much more. I have so much to do and this is the next blog going out. Have yet to use any of the planned drafts. As with the situation with business and websites all are in construction and will be for a couple of months. This is what is on my heart and why we need to change our tactics to beat most of what plagues society all too much. Abuse. Suicide. Homelessness. Addiction. Neglect. Other trauma.
Forgive my bouncing around and hard to grasp narrative. That will go away as the cycle of depression subsides and I get the stability needed with a residence and all that goes with it. Right now my personal belongings are scattered half a dozen places in 2 states and really. I am just winging it minute by minute. But endlessly, it seems, my bike is where it needs to be with me on it to meet someone who I was supposed to meet. All tying into what is on my heart. The Quest. The Camp. The healing. The helping.
Right now think of me as hacking my way through dangerous think jungle for a clear path that has been overgrown with tough vines and prickly flaura.
Will get all the emails set up so I can actually check them on my phone and easily.
Anyone thinking about harming themselves please take a moment. 10 moments. 60 moments. And 60 more. Reach out. Let someone know. Find the person who will listen. Find your dull bent spoon and start digging your tunnel. Others will join in with the effort.
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